I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
