I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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