There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I will die if light touches me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
