I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
