I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
