Tell her she can't have a vagina
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize