so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
