nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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