Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
