You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
