i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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