Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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