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everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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