oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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