Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
