Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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