I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize