Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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