yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
These tits shall not be calmed
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
