It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
