Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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