I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
