i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
