I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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