i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
