now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
