WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
