Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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