Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
