Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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