My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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