He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pants are for mortals
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
