The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
