for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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