All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Houston, we have a squirter
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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