I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
