I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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