i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
