ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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