The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
