I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
