I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
