Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
