Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
