Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
