It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
