____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
