I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
