Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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