i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tell your sister to shave her snatch
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
