Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
