WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
please come you make the beer taste better
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
