He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
