you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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