in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
