Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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