So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
