isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
