Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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