There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize