we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
