I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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