ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
