Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
