i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
