Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
