What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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