Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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