She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
