The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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