You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
