i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
