Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
