See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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