My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
