why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
