but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
