that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
