Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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