No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize