awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
