new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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