Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
