I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
