I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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